There are two main factors that have contributed to my weight gain… Well, besides the obvious two: over-eating and lack of exercise….
- Disorganization. We have a lot of stuff. My obsession with all things office supplies, clothes, kid’s toys, the hub’s tools. We were supposed to camp this weekend, but since the entire state of California seems to be on fire, the campground was closed. Since we’d already put in for the time off and the kids are all in daycare, we are tackling projects and I’m feeling like I can breath again! The problem is, I like our stuff. We use our stuff. I can’t go all Konmari ‘does this bring me joy?’ on my stuff. Little things bring me joy, so I can answer yes to a whole lot of stuff she’d toss out when I wasn’t looking. Maybe I’m just not ready to let go. Only time will tell. For now, I’m bringing some order into our lives, at the least.
- Anxiety. Not like a clinically diagnosible anxiety. Just the everyday anxiety. Worry for the kids, my husband, money, the house, work, other members of the family, etc. Maybe I worry more than others? My dad died when I was eight. So I worry people are going to get hurt or die. That seems like a reasonable worry, since I’ve known it to be true, right? *insecure shrug*… I think about the worst thing that can happen, and try not to let that happen. I don’t outwardly fret too much, most of the time. My husband teases me sometimes when I express some of these fears. When I told him about my worst case scenario policy, he jokingly asked, “How do you leave the house everyday thinking like that?” He doesn’t know the half of it though. My mind immediately goes there: to the worst possible outcome. I curb the feeling by eating. At first it was only for big events and whatnot. Then I had kids. Someone said it’s like wearing your heart on the outside of your body. That’s exactly what it is. I love them so fiercely, that I am constantly worried about them in the background of my mind, no matter what I’m doing. Food offers temporary relief from these feeling, but it’s fleeting, and the consequence of being overweight suck.
I’ve identified these as the two biggest culprits for the current state of my weight. Getting the organization thing tackled this week. Working on the game plan for dropping these L-Bs. To be continued…