I have stronger words, but since I’m down this path of self improvement, watching my potty mouth seems like a good thing to add in…. and my 3 year old repeated me yesterday when I exclaimed “What the cr*p and sh*t!” #MomFail 🤦🏼♀️ …. In my defense, in one of my newly organized drawers of art supplies, I found a pocket knife and some 550 cord that clearly my husband had stuffed in the drawer. With the kid’s art supplies! Why??? … Clearly my use of foul language was justified. Still, I don’t want to get a call from preschool because my kid is that kid in class shouting obscenities!
Back to the point… I didn’t do great yesterday. I could have done a lot worse, but I’m pretty unhappy with myself. I tried to keep track of everything, and I drank my water. I just ate a lot of things that I really didn’t plan to and I felt out of control. Amazingly though, I only went over my calories by 209… as long as I didn’t forget to log something? I just wish I felt in control and made better choices.
I tried to give myself permission to eat whatever I want all weekend with the whole “Well, I’ve messed up… I’ll just start over on Monday” mentality. But then I saw a Cat & Nat clip on Facebook and they were trying to chat with Rachel Hollis (Girl, Wash Your Face), which reminded me that I saw she has a podcast, so I went looking for her podcast and the one that I came across first was an excerpt from her book about the lies we tell ourselves about starting tomorrow. It was exactly what I needed to remind me that there’s no time like the present.
One little win that I almost forgot about: I did some lunges and squats! My middle-little, (same 3 year old parroting curse words), turned me into a dinosaur with her magical wand. I started chasing her with my tiny T-Rex arms and walking funny while roaring after her. It just popped in my head to chase her while doing walking lunges- still with the teeny little arms. She thought I was hilarious and I got a mini workout!
I’m basically eating a couple snacks, plus one big meal to try to stay under my calorie max (1,800). I’m so used to being stuffed that I find it easier to cope with a little discomfort of starting to re-learn hunger signals, when I know I get to eat a “normal” amount if I hold out.
Old thinking is wanting to follow the philosophy of eating every two hours… but that doesn’t work for me because snacking and grazing leads to more snacking and grazing. Eating every two hours, only 200-300 calories makes me want more.
I’m going to continue to do what works for now, but I’m more than ready for it evolve as time goes on.
Today is Saturday… it makes me nervous. At least at work I can’t graze or eat everything in sight. At work, I’m busy. At home there’s snacks and idle time.
Three days in a row, I’ve hit my goals!!! Those calories aren’t pretty- But it’s where I’m at right now. I imagine in a year, I’ll be eating a whole lot different as I baby-step my way into a healthier life.
I am holding on to how proud I feel right now and I’m not going to let myself think it’s not good enough!
In the past, when I start a plan to lose weight, I shoot for 1,200 calories per day. Truth is, normally I eat closer to 3,000-3,500 calories per day and maintain my weight between 190- 200 lbs. To cut down to 1,200 overnight is insane, and I can’t stick to that for a single day, let alone 4 days! 1,800 feels about right. I don’t feel like I’m starving and I feel pretty good.
Maybe I’m just riding on the excitement of how motivated I am, and on my belief that I am absolutely ready to change, but I feel lighter already!!!!!
Day 2 went well all in all. I had to teach a class at work at 7-9 pm. I got to work at 7:30 am. It was a long day! I have been having a protein shake and been pretty content most the day on just that. I have a desk job, so it’s not like I’m burning a ton of calories throughout the day… and I have plenty of reserves (ha). I was talking about not remembering hunger signals yesterday, but amazingly, my stomach started growling in the afternoon!
I went to the cafeteria around 2pm to grab something to eat. It was past the lunch hour rush, so not a ton of options were out. I didn’t have a real game plan other than portion control. I looked at the salad bar, I swear, I considered it, but I decided on the pizza. I had a lot of self deprecating thoughts about wanting it. I had to tell myself that it’s ok to have a piece of pizza. Normal people eat pizza. Normal people don’t eat entire pizzas by themselves in secret… ummm…. I mean… not that I’ve done that… Anyhow. I was hungry. The pizza was what sounded good. I ate one slice. I carried on with my day.
What I didn’t do is say, “F- it. I ate pizza. I might as well chase it with 5 more slices.” That’s what I would have said 3 days ago. While I am far from where I want to be with my food choices, I made the best decision I could in the moment. Little wins.
I’ve been overeating so consistently and for so long, that I barely know what it is to feel hungry. I definitely was ready to eat by the time we had dinner, but my stomach never growled and I didn’t feel true hunger. I was tempted a couple times to wander into the pantry, but ignored the urge.
I ordered some silicone bracelets a couple weeks ago and I received notice on Monday that they were delivered to my mailbox. So I checked the mail on my way to work.
One says “BALANCE” “MAKE THE NEXT BEST DECISION”….. The other says “MY WHY” and has the girls’ initials. “ENERGY 4 PLAY. MEMORIES” “EACH MOMENT & EACH CHOICE” “GETS ME CLOSER TO MY GOALS.” There’s pictures: a dumbbell, a camera, a heart, and a running figure. Tiny reminders.
My intention with them is to keep me mindful and focused on my goals. When I thought about grazing in the pantry, I focused on the bracelets. They really helped!!!
I’ve had a thousand day-ones, but I’m blogging it, so it must be for reals this time, right? Ha ha. If it was that easy, I wouldn’t be where I am with my weight!
I just downloaded an app called Happy Scale, that I heard about on the Half Size Me podcast. It’s really cool so far, on this first day of using it. I like that it breaks down my goal weight into 5 lb increments. I chose 2 lbs per week to lose, and it says I’ll hit the first 5 lb milestone by August 31st.
There’s this part of me that thinks, “Only 5 lbs by the Annual Labor Day camping trip? Well boo. What’s the point?” It just feels like it won’t make a difference.
Then I look farther down the predictions, and add some special events coming up.
Nearly 10 lbs by a wedding we’re attending mid September.
Over 20 lbs by Halloween.
Almost 30 lbs by Thanksgiving.
About 40 lbs by Christmas.
Over 50 lbs by our ski trip in February.
60 lbs by my husband’s birthday.
At that pace, I’ll be at my goal weight by my 10 th wedding anniversary in April!
When you’re this big, 5 lbs doesn’t make all that much of a difference. But, 5+5+5….. that makes a world of difference!!!!
There are two main factors that have contributed to my weight gain… Well, besides the obvious two: over-eating and lack of exercise….
Disorganization. We have a lot of stuff. My obsession with all things office supplies, clothes, kid’s toys, the hub’s tools. We were supposed to camp this weekend, but since the entire state of California seems to be on fire, the campground was closed. Since we’d already put in for the time off and the kids are all in daycare, we are tackling projects and I’m feeling like I can breath again! The problem is, I like our stuff. We use our stuff. I can’t go all Konmari ‘does this bring me joy?’ on my stuff. Little things bring me joy, so I can answer yes to a whole lot of stuff she’d toss out when I wasn’t looking. Maybe I’m just not ready to let go. Only time will tell. For now, I’m bringing some order into our lives, at the least.
Anxiety. Not like a clinically diagnosible anxiety. Just the everyday anxiety. Worry for the kids, my husband, money, the house, work, other members of the family, etc. Maybe I worry more than others? My dad died when I was eight. So I worry people are going to get hurt or die. That seems like a reasonable worry, since I’ve known it to be true, right? *insecure shrug*… I think about the worst thing that can happen, and try not to let that happen. I don’t outwardly fret too much, most of the time. My husband teases me sometimes when I express some of these fears. When I told him about my worst case scenario policy, he jokingly asked, “How do you leave the house everyday thinking like that?” He doesn’t know the half of it though. My mind immediately goes there: to the worst possible outcome. I curb the feeling by eating. At first it was only for big events and whatnot. Then I had kids. Someone said it’s like wearing your heart on the outside of your body. That’s exactly what it is. I love them so fiercely, that I am constantly worried about them in the background of my mind, no matter what I’m doing. Food offers temporary relief from these feeling, but it’s fleeting, and the consequence of being overweight suck.
I’ve identified these as the two biggest culprits for the current state of my weight. Getting the organization thing tackled this week. Working on the game plan for dropping these L-Bs. To be continued…