Tag: Weight loss

So it’s been a while. I lost track of time. I’ve seen a counselor a few times now. I think it’ll help in time. I’m coming to understand that I am not very good at feeling my feelings. I am great at putting on a happy face and letting things slide off my shoulders. I don’t know why, but I guess I don’t feel like I have the right to my feelings when I have so many faults. I feel like I can’t get upset with my husband because he is really great and I am so lucky to have him… but when you don’t rock the boat once in a while, you’re not being real… and when I’m not being real, I binge to shove those feelings aside. Truly, I am so happy and love my life so much… that I feel like I shouldn’t feel anything but happy… so when I feel uncomfortable, instead of dealing with the discomfort, I stuff it down with food. I was hoping that going to see someone would be the magic fix… but apparently it’s going to take some work to get to where I’d like to be. I’m feeling excited for the journey to there, but I am starting to realize it’s not going to be an easy path.

I met with someone today to discuss why I overeat to the extent I do.  There are moments from my past that came up that I didn’t really connect with my current actions.  Can that be the cause?  I felt like I’d moved on from things from when I was a kid and just hard knocks from life.  I thought It was ancient history.  I thought I am pretty well adjusted.  Maybe I didn’t deal with everything as well as I should have?  I am looking forward to another appointment.

Struggling and stuck… but still here, still ready to change.  Old habits are hard to kick.

I don’t dress in things because I like them.  I pick what I wear based on what will hide my weight the best.  Apparently, I’m not fooling anyone with my yoga pants and baggy shirt.  My 3 year old in the morning said, “Mama, you gotta get dressed for school.”  On reflection, I did look like a hot mess… but I wasn’t expecting to get called out on it.

I am longing for the day I can pick outfits based on the way I feel and look in them.  I don’t even know what I like anymore.

I’ve been off track for days now.  So frustrating because I started off so strong.

I got a hold of a counselor.  I’m seeing him on Thursday.  I’m looking forward to working through my food issues!!!

I don’t want to be left behind.  I have this friend who is super adventurous.  Recently, she took her dad on a trip overseas.  They didn’t invite her mom because her mom wouldn’t be able to keep up.  At tho rate, that is in my future.

as it is, my husband and the kids go out bike riding without me.  Usually it’s so I can do stuff around the house… but that’s just an excuse.  I don’t want to go because I am so uncomfortable. I’m missing out and I don’t want it to be like this.